One day I will have a lover and he will enjoy...
That and reading in bed together.
turbo in line: I see you staring like you want it.
me: Um, actually your fly is undone.
me: And your boxers have sailboats on them.
The girl in the book that I’m reading is the most beautiful girl in the...– Same thirteen-year-old-boy at my school. I’ve said once, and I’ll say it twice: this kid has game. Gentlemen, don’t make me start a tumblr called, “Pick-Up Lines for Grown Men By A Thirteen-Year-Old Special Ed Kid”
I promise not to say FUCK on the internet.
skweeka, skweeka, skweeka* Heer ai iz wif CCC - prittee eerlee dis tym - to...– I love LOLcats but I can’t handle the comments on icanhascheezeburger. Seriously, WTF?
Is it a deal-breaker when a guy texts “your gorgeous!” Don’t get me wrong, it is nice and all but look at the spelling. Yep. YOUR not YOU’RE. My gorgeous what?If this was an isolated incident I’d be okay with it. But he’s unfortunately a repeat offender. This really bothers me. I think it’s a deal-breaker. Is this mean?
STUPID COUPLES. STUPID SMUG COUPLES.
I have the death flu from hell that’s going around Los Angeles that is so powerful it kicked my white blood cells ass despite having had a flu shot. Being sick is boring and lonely and full of delirium. When I’m sick I lie in bed and shout out random things and it’s been along the lines of, “SEE! THIS IS WHY I NEED A BOYFRIEND. SOMEONE TO TAKE CARE OF ME” today. All...
Sometimes when I’m listening to a really long and annoying voicemail and I’m sitting there saying out loud to the phone, “Are you fucking serious? Oh my God, seriously is she still talking? This is SO LONG! I can’t handle this!” I get worried that they can hear me. It’s like I get confused or something because I’ve been hearing their voice for so long and...
Cute boy in front of me at 7-11: Hey! I see you play the flute. I play the guitar. That's pretty cool. Where do you play?
Me (mouth full of Crest White Strips that I use while on the bus): Hi! I play in a band at my Special Ed School.
Cute boy in front of me: Ahh, yea, cool. Okay talk to you later. *rushes out*
Me: Ahhh, okay. Bye.
Me: *mumbles to self* That was weird.
Cashier: He thought you were retarded.
Yo, Peter Pans living in Los Angeles. Grow up and start seriously dating. By seriously dating I mean talk to me. And by Peter Pans I mean hot Jews.
You’re a diamond in the rough.– Gerard, one of my counselors at my one-year rehab program. I forgot to mention, last Friday I took my 9 Month Chip! The next big milestone, God willing, will be on my one-year-sobriety birthday on Valentine’s Day.
You know when you repetitively write the same word over and over and you start realizing how weird that word is and you start questioning whether you’re even spelling it right because it looks so weird? I’m experiencing that with the word “Shower.” What a weird word, shower.
irrationalblog: A BAGHEAD MINI MOVIE On the last day camping at Big Bear last month, I was supposed to be helping pack up the tents with everyone else, but instead I made a Baghead mask, grabbed the girls and Ryan and forced them to act in this. We pretty much just made it up as we went along, and goofed off. It turned out kind of funny, I think. I emailed the link to the Duplass Brothers (the...
2009 is going to rock.
Aaron: hey, what you doing in mid august to early september?
me: nothing. school won't have started so i will have the time off from work still.
Aaron: wanna go traveling w/ me?
me: okay. I'll go if it costs no more than $2500
Aaron: alright i'll start doin research
Aaron: nice. i'm really lookin forward to traveling w/ you. it's been a while since we've hung out and you're a seasoned traveler and i'm a seasoned babbler
me: OMG I just read the best abbrev ever!
emac: What is it?
me: It's for the word "perhaps" and it is "praps" for example: “Currently we can’t get this to you (praps in December though)…”
me: not as good as Sands Days O'Cons BUT...
emac: Sands Days O'Cons is my all time fav
emac: but praps is really good
emac: we need to start using it right away
me: use of praps in vocab activating in 3, 2, 1 !!!!!
me: praps I'll come to the show with you tonight.
emac: praps you'll buy some shelves at Ikea
me: praps I'll come across a great deal on something fun and unexpected.
emac: praps we'll go to the concert and I'll fall in love with the bass drum player
me: praps the love will be requited
Los Angeles County: 52.9% YES on Prop 8, 47.1% NO. →
WTFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF Los Angeles County?
Oh my god, I can’t even deal with the night before election anxiety. I need a distraction. Too bad my year long celibacy oath falls during this time.
She had assumed when she married Ira that he would always look at her the way...– Anne Tyler, Breathing Lessons Beautiful prose. This book is pretty awesome. According to the cover it won the Pulitzer. It’s copyright is 1992. All the books I read lately were popular in like 1992. I buy all of my books at the Dollar Book Store where books like this are hiding out because I...
I just thought of the best Halloween costume ever. Wear cat ears and paint a nose and whiskers and then wear a bunny tail and a black t-shirt that says, “cat costume - ur doin it wrong” and be my fav thing ever, an LOLcat! Fudge! I wish I would have thought of this sooner. Everyone would ask me what I was but there would be like five LOLcat fans at the party and the costume would be...