I don't understand music snobs.
What’s the fucking deal? IT’S MUSIC. My roommate is bitching about my love for oldies. Is she on crack again?
I think I want to buy a disco ball so when my...
WHEN DO I BECOME A GROWNUP WITH REAL FOOD?
roommate: I'm going to the grocery store need anything?
me: Let me look in my wallet. It's all the money I have.
*open wallet, see five dollars*
me: Get me some noodles, parm and butter. This should last me a week.
roommate: Noodles with parm, noodles with parm. All you ever eat.
roommate: Right, Jillian?
me (looking up from dashboard): Huh? What?
roommate: She's not paying attention.
roommates boyfriend: Of course not. She's on the internet.
roommates boyfriend: She's probably looking at Kitty Cats.
checklist for my life to be at maximum awesome...
car revival of 622 Tularosa Pizza Parties* new apartment kitten *These may already be happening on a regular basis that I am not aware of because of previous lack of transportation (see first bullet point).
Holy shit! I bought a car today.
Dear Dave, Del, Jim, Tim, Dan, Spencer, Elizabeth, Paul, Ken, Tom, Chris and Austin: Two things: 1) Thank you, seriously, for all of the rides you have given me in the past two years of our friendship while I was without a car. 2) I WILL ALWAYS BE YOUR DESIGNATED DRIVER. Whenevs. Disclaimer: Just because I have a car does not mean I will be driving on the freeway anytime soon. But you will be...
My girl friend met this guy at the dog park this week and had a hot date with him today at the beach. Now they’re going out to dinner because they’re totally hitting it off. WTF? Why can’t there be kitten parks? I don’t want to date a dude with some annoying dog. I want to meet a man who takes care of his fucking kitten.
Having sex with a guy on coke or meth is like trying to stuff a marshmallow in...– some random person I met tonight POSTING CUZ IT’S TRU Y’ALL.
I went to look at a house for lease today in metro Los Angeles and there were a bunch of roosters and chickens in the yard. When I looked at them the man showing me the house told me, “¡Sí! ¡Sí! Roosters! Bueno! They come with the house!” He was so pumped about using these roosters and chickens as a selling point. Fucking LA, man. I love it.
I can’t believe these are on tonight and I had no idea and wouldn’t have known unless people tumbled about it. Two years ago I helped run awards campaigns for every best pic nominee except one and every actor and actress except like two or three. This was my LIFE. I was on a quick weekend jaunt to NYC to see friends and visit the NY office which also happened to fall on the weekend of...
I hate doing the laundry. I always run out of clean underwear and I would rather just buy more underwear than do the laundry. Today is one of those days. I own a lot of hanes her way three pack hi-cut granny panties from CVS. Whatevs.
I didn’t make it because I realized I lost my mom’s wedding band that she gave me that I’ve been wearing on my right pointer finger (never, ever comes off) for I don’t know, like eight years. I spent the night retracing my steps digging through public trash cans, combing streets. This ring means more to me than anything I own and it’s gone. Slid off because my fingers...
Me: In the end I didn't get the promotion at work because I don't know Spanish.
Mom: You should really learn it.
Me: I took five semesters of Italian and lived in Italy and still can't hold a basic conversation in Italian. I can't learn languages.
Mom: It's probably your approach to learning it.
Me: Maybe I can use our old Muzzy tapes.
Mom: You should just have kids on your school bus route teach you Spanish.
Me: Dude, mom, they're Special Ed.
Mom: Exactly. Just what you need.
I’m reading Greg Mortenson and David Oliver Relin’s Three Cups of Tea. I love memoirs like this. Greg, after a failed attempt to climb K2, was moved by the hospitality of the inhabitants of rural Pakistan and has since dedicated his life to building schools there -especially for girls. Being who I am, reading this makes me want to go back to Africa and start what I wanted to start or...
I thought of a (better) side-project to coincide with my current project of reading The Modern Libraries 100 Best Novels Written in the English Language. Check it: 100 Best Novels. 100 Theme Parties. 100 awesome parties. I don’t care if it’s me and five other people. What could be better than a Grapes of Wrath party? Slaughterhouse-Five party? LOL - Fucking Winesburg, Ohio party....
A City Built on Industry
ridiculousroo: Today my sis, my friend Erica, and I ventured to the industrial world of Wisconsin to look at wedding dresses since Escanaba’s wedding dress selection is gross. My sister has a knack for saying slightly inappropriate things in public places and this included dressing rooms where store clerks were helping me try on enormous wedding dresses. For example: “Your breasts look great!...
I'm never having sex because sex leads to babies.
and babies cry! boy do they cry!
Atheism is not a philosophy; it is not even a view of the world; it is simply an...– Sam Harris in Letter to a Christian Nation (via pauliophonic) “Faith strikes me as intellectual laziness, but I don’t argue with it - especially as I am rarely in a position to prove that it is mistaken. Negative proof is usually impossible” Robert A. Heinlein (1991). Stranger in a Strange Land, p....
I find myself randomly tearing up lately. Not...
Going through old boxes my mom found a list of...
When Jillian was two years old, she was always trying to keep up with Nicole (older sister) and therefore she always wanted what Nicole had and wanted to do whatever Nicole was doing. After a frustrating afternoon I turned to Jillian and asked, “Jillian, if Nicole jumped off a cliff, would you jump off too?” Without hesitation and eye wide with seriousness, she answered, “Yes! To...