Awesome that it took me a month living in this single digit weather land to realize that my keychain is an automatic car starter.
I just made a terrible mistake by googling “disguting photos.” Please. Don’t ever do this. Why did I do this? I knew the outcome would be bad. It’s like everytime I decided to just “check out” the facebook page of an ex boyfriend. NEVER ENDS GOOD PPL.
Sitting at home on a Saturday night...
…getting my Austen on with Sense and Sensibility (don’t hate) practically hemorrhaging with tears over her most loving and best male character, Col. Christopher Brandon, imagining having a Colonel of my own when I get a TEXT from a guy I hardly know that said, “I just made sweet love to you in my mind.” I don’t want Austen era male/female relations politics but MY...
e-mail from my old roommate:
I just got a phone call from a company who said you used me as a personal reference. They wanted two words to describe you. I said: Horny and Salacious
I'm so jealous of my mom right now.
Mom: Jillian, is this vicodin? I need it for my tooth.
*I inspect the pill*
Me: Yep. Gee, thanks mom for making me think about vicodin.
Mom: Oh gosh, I didn't realize! Think about smoking instead!
Me: Awesome. Thanks mom for making me think about vicodin AND smoking.
Mom: THINK ABOUT POPCORN!
Found one of your tampons in the desk, now the kids shoot it at each other with...– e-mail from the teacher in my old classroom. I’m glad I can still be there in spirit through my feminine products.
Newports v. Butter
Mom: Well, at least you're thinking about popcorn and not cigarettes.
Me: Awesome. Thanks mom. Now I'm thinking about both.
I can’t wait until I’m married so I can have someone who is really mad at me say, “AND DO NOT WRITE ABOUT THIS IN YOUR BLOG.” It’s going be awesome.
The twenty-six-year-old child, having moved back home and apparently unable to grocery shop for herself (now living in a house with an “I only have a kitchen because it came with the house” sign hanging in the kitchen) looked atop the refrigerator and saw a beacon of hope: a basket of fruit. Imagine the disappointment upon discovering they were plastic and realizing that just because...
braidsbraided: Now that Jillian is gone, these little suckers will be mine, as of this Friday. Bittersweet. Also, this movie is ridiculous. Braids is going to be an excellent mother. While I was in Michigan for a month she took care of them. When I left them with her they were all depressed and gross looking from fighting each other. One was being severely picked on. When I returned they...
Apparently a new year happened five days ago.
I haven’t been on the internet SINCE 2009. I know you were all sitting at home thinking, “Where is my favorite blogger, Jillian?” Well, fear no more. I’m back. Not only am I back, I’m back with a list. 2000: Drugs. 2001: Drugs. 2002: Drugs. 2003: Drugs. 2004: Drugs. 2005: Drugs. 2006: Drugs. 2007: Drugs. 2008: Sobriety! 2009: Sobriety! THE REST IS JUST...